Joan Rivers funeral wish - Valentino, Beyonce's hair, Meryl Streep crying

Above is Joan River's funeral requests written in her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me. Meanwhile it's been revealed that her funeral will take place on Sunday September 7th at the Temple Emanu-El in New York. See some more memorable quotes from the book after the cut...

  
On what she wants for her own funeral
"When I die, I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action...I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on;

I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing "Mr. Lonely." I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé's." 

On obituaries

"I love the obituaries. To me, obituaries are just wedding announcements without the pictures. I read the obituaries carefully, the way Lindsay Lohan reads her Miranda rights."

On people who die of natural causes

"I hate people who die of natural causes; they just don't understand the moment. It's the grand finale, act three, the eleven o'clock number — make it count. If you're going to die, die interesting! Is there anything worse than a boring death? I think not. When my time comes I'm going to go out in highs type. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you'll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead...On George Clooney's Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, 'Xjfhfyrnem.'"

On funerals

"I love funerals! To me a funeral is just a red carpet show for dead people. It's a chance for mourners from all walks of life to accessorize basic black, and to make a fashion statement that is bold enough to draw attention away from the bereaved but subtle enough so that no one knows that it's happening. And, it's a great way to have quiet fun."

On people who offer condolences

"I hate people who try to make you feel better. Like the neighbor who says, 'Don't forget, the first part of 'funeral' is 'fun!' Or the minister who says, 'He's in a better place now.' I'm tempted to yell out, 'No he's not. He had a house in the Hamptons. What's wrong with you?""

On the pick-up scene at funerals

"As I get older, I'm going to a lot more funerals, and let me tell you something, it's a great pick-up scene. A graveside funeral is live eHarmony for the bereaved

injuries after boyfriend bites her lip in violent attack; teen girl shares..

The pic above shows the horrific injuries a teenage girl suffered after her jealous boyfriend bit her lip during a violent attack. 18 year old Chantelle Ward said her boyfriend, 23 year old Rhys Culley sank his teeth into her flesh during a kiss after asking her if she loved him.

Chantelle said Rhys was jealous and insecure and attacked her after a fight about Facebook. Continue

Jurors at Newcastle Crown Court saw pictures of angry teeth marks in Miss Ward's upper lip after the attack, during which he smeared her own blood around her face and forced his tongue in her mouth.

Culley, who had been in a relationship with Miss Ward for over two years, denied wounding with intent but was found guilty after a trial. He will be sentenced next month and has now been remanded in custody.

 

Chantelle Ward

Jurors heard Culley bit down on  the victim's lip with the same force that would be needed to bite through a 1cm thick piece of rubber.

As well as the gruesome "very deep" injury to her mouth, Miss Ward had bruising and scratches to her head and body after the attack, which started after a row about Facebook.

Miss Ward told jurors during the trial Culley (pictured above) had tried to kiss her and asked her if she still loved him before the bite.

She said: "He put his whole mouth around my lips and pulled, I thought that my whole lip had come off. There was blood everywhere."

The court heard trouble had flared at Miss Ward's home after a night out, when he chased her from room to room and attacked her. Culley kicked and punched Miss Ward, pulled her hair, threw her into furniture and chucked things at her before finally launching the frenzied facial attack.

The attack happened on February 22 this year, after the young couple had been out at the County Public House in South Shields. They had been celebrating Miss Ward's mother's birthday and at about 10.30pm Miss Ward, the defendant and her aunt Susan Stewart shared a taxi home, dropping her aunt off first.

When the defendant and his girlfriend got back to her house, the mood of the night changed. The defendant brought up a conversation that his girlfriend had had with another man on Facebook earlier in the month.

The defendant then took Miss Ward's phone off her in a bid to look through her Facebook messages.

The court heard how when he found that the messages were no longer there he became angry and started to shout at Miss Ward accusing her of having something to hide.

At this point, Miss Ward told the court, she realized that something was wrong and that this wasn't a 'normal' argument for the pair, who had been together for almost two and a half years.

She became scared and lifted her phone to call the defendant's mother to ask him to come and get him. But Culley is said to have taken the phone from his victim, he also locked the doors so that she couldn't escape.

Later, when her phone was left unattended she made an emergency call but Culley again took the phone from her. After Culley had bitten his victim, he "rubbed his face in hers, smearing the blood across her face and then he stuck his tongue into her mouth.

"When the police arrived they saw that they both had blood on them and over their faces."

Culley was arrested and Miss Ward was taken to hospital to have her injuries examined.
She suffered not only the injuries to her mouth, but bruising to her arms and body, a scratch to her left breast, bruising of the face and ear.

During his evidence Culley said he did not mean to harm his "beautiful" girlfriend, who he knew he was lucky to have.

Ex-beauty queen Dabota Lawson gets engaged.

Former Miss Nigeria UK, Dabota Lawson, just got engaged. Check out the massive engagement ring (pic on the left) her man gave her when he popped the question this night. I hear Dabota's man, who's into furniture, is extremely rich and was the one who bought her the Range Rover SUV she recently flaunted on instagram here.

I'm sure Dabota will be wondering how the heck I got all this info and pic in such a short time... the engagement literally happened an hour ago...lol. Congrats girl!

Update: I wasn't going to reveal the man's name, but they are engaged, so what's the big secret? His name is Prince Sunny Aku, the CEO of Novena Majesty Furniture. He's said to be in his 50s and even owns his own private jet!

WHO; map for the for Ebola Spread in West Africa..

This is no fun to look at I must say....

Banky W New Video; Jaiye Ori Mi...

Brand New Video: @BankyW - "Jaiye Ori Mi" - hthttps://t.co/e5tAXECYk7 Please view, and RT :-)tps://t.co/e5tAXECYk7
Please view, and RT :-)

Celebrity Big Brother: Audley Harrison reveals his secret past of cocaine, cannabis and gambling

The 42-year-old former professional boxer said: "I've done the drinking, the crime, the drugs. We all lose control sometimes and I lost control."
[Audley-Harrison-main.jpg]

Former boxer Audley Harrison has revealed his secret past of cocaine, cannabis and gambling addiction.

The 42-year-old Olympic gold-medal winning pugilist spoke about his criminal past, surviving Class A drugs and getting hooked on gambling at the age of just nine in an interview before entering the Celebrity Big Brother house.

The Londoner, whose brother Vincent was found dead six years ago after taking a lethal cocktail of cocaine and heroin, told the Daily Star Sunday: "I've done the drinking, the crime, the drugs.

"We all lose control sometimes and I lost control.

"The main thing is I got through it - some people don't come out of the darkness."

Audley made history at the 2000 Olympics in Syndey when he became the first Brit to win super-heavyweight gold.

He went on to sign a £1 million deal with BBC Sport but was devastated when boxing was dropped from the channel's schedules in 2004.

He said he first started gambling on fruit machines aged 9 but things gor worse when he moved to Las Vegas.

"I gambled a lot of money," he said.

"I was an addict at nine and it was always there festering, waiting for me to go back - like an alcoholic walking past a liquor store."

But Audley beat his habit after quitting Sin City and is now happier than ever enjoying family life with wife Raychel, 33, and children Ariella, seven and Hudson Hugh, one.

I Have Had Four Abortions For My Man And Never Let Him Know..

Came across this on LIB and believe me it will wow you like it did me....
Please drop your comments...

Hi Libers, I'm 27 years old and I've been dating a married man for 3 years. And in that 3 years I've had 4 abortions, which I never told my boyfriend about, so in his heart of hearts he thinks I've been very careful hence no pregnancy palava for him. I think that's the main reason he loves me so much and he's taking good care of me.

    Just found out a few weeks back that I was pregnant again, I've begged God to stop giving me these pregnancies until I'm ready, Cos I'm tired of aborting.

    So he came to my house as usual and for the first time ever I told him about my current pregnancy. Continue..

    He  hugged tightly me, gave me a cheque and told me to terminate it because of his family bla bla bla. I collected the cheque and jokingly told him that I've had 4 abortions already for him without letting him know because I didn't want to stress him.

    Immediately, he gave me a slap, collected the cheque from me and told me he would get me arrested, just imagine. That I'm evil and should be left to rot in jail for killing four innocent children. 

    This is the same guy who just asked me to abort for him o. How stupid can men be. I thought I was doing him a favor. 

    He eventually sent some money into my account and told me to do whatever with my pregnancy. But I should get behind him Satan. Who is the Satan, me or him?

    Anyway, I don't want to lose this man because I truly love him. Please what can I do to get him back, right now he can't stand me.

Rihanna; Fans Favorite in Manhattan

Even though she's having a very successful career she never forgets to show her gratitude to the fans that made her successful....

The barbadian pop singer stepped out of her hotel room yesterday (august 22) in Manhattan to greet and sign autographs for some lucky  passersby.....
Isn't she just cute....

No One Is Safe! George R.R. Martin Reveals He's Got a lot Of Flexibility For Killing All Your Favorites!

Well, Game of Thrones fans, looks like the fate of your favorites is on the line!

George R.R. Martin is crushing hopes and dreams AGAIN!

The author of the A Song Of Ice and Fire series has revealed that at the point he is in writing his books, everyone's life is on the line.

And he's got NO problem letting you know that!

He said:

    “The way my books are structured, everyone was together, then they all went their separate ways and the story deltas out like that, and now it’s getting to the point where the story is beginning to delta back in, and the viewpoint characters are occasionally meeting up with each other now and being in the same point at the same time, which gives me a lot more flexibility for killing people.”

So, what he's trying to say is that he's about to kill off every character you still love.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

As long as Tyrion survives, we'll be happy.

Though, knowing George, he's gonna kill him off first

Kelly Brook shares first glimpse of her official 2015 calendar cover on Instagram 23

The voluptuous model, 34, can be seen focusing her sultry gaze on the camera while wearing a seductive silky red bra
[KellyBrook-Calendar-Cover.jpg] Instagram / iamkb

Kelly Brook has given fans a sneak peek at her official 2015 calendar.

The voluptuous model posted a photo of its cover on her Instagram account - and immediately set pulses racing.

In the image, the 34-year-old brunette wears a silky red bra, which highlights her ample bosom, while focusing her sultry gaze on the camera.

At the time of writing, the snap had been liked 6,270 times by her Instagram fans.